[ { "start": 0.0, "end": 5.74, "text": "What if the disconnect you feel in your marriage isn't a communication problem at all, but something quieter?" }, { "start": 6.16, "end": 7.1, "text": "You've never put words to." }, { "start": 8.02, "end": 12.72, "text": "That's the reframe my guest today handed me and I believe it's something that every marriage should know!" }, { "start": 13.74, "end": 20.1, "text": "Today i get to chat with Dr Jenae Francis A licensed therapist And The Assistant Director At Wind Shaped Marriage." }, { "start": 20.72, "end": 23.12, "text": "She has been married eighteen years and raised two boys." }, { "start": 23.96, "end": 26.7, "text": "We talked about why so many couples fill alone." }, { "start": 27.58, "end": 34.64, "text": "why we're not talking is almost never really about talking and the prayer rhythm that carried her marriage through its hardest season." }, { "start": 35.82, "end": 38.64, "text": "If this sounds interesting to you, then I hope you enjoy this conversation." }, { "start": 39.18, "end": 42.94, "text": "make sure to hit subscribe And hit that like button so that you never miss an episode." }, { "start": 43.84, "end": 44.74, "text": "It also helps message." }, { "start": 44.82, "end": 47.1, "text": "get out two more marriages now." }, { "start": 47.16, "end": 50.52, "text": "Enjoy my conversation with Jenae Francis." }, { "start": 50.66, "end": 51.52, "text": "JenaE Francis." }, { "start": 52.0, "end": 53.38, "text": "welcome to The Marriage After God podcast." }, { "start": 53.42, "end": 54.64, "text": "i'm super happy to have you on." }, { "start": 55.78, "end": 56.62, "text": "Thank you so much." }, { "start": 56.7, "end": 58.1, "text": "It's such a pleasure to be with you, Erin." }, { "start": 59.04, "end": 64.04, "text": "You're now the second person that's associated with The Wind Shape family." }, { "start": 64.98, "end": 67.18, "text": "Yeah my show I first had Steven Moore." }, { "start": 67.7, "end": 68.8, "text": "while back who is?" }, { "start": 69.26, "end": 78.7, "text": "The director of camps and communities or camps for communities which was an awesome conversation And so i'm excited again into your side-of-things jenay Which you are." }, { "start": 79.46, "end": 81.38, "text": "would you say what your role as at wind shape?" }, { "start": 82.1, "end": 82.6, "text": "Yeah, something." }, { "start": 82.7, "end": 85.66, "text": "the Assistant Director of Content and Programming for Winshape." }, { "start": 85.72, "end": 86.16, "text": "Marriage." }, { "start": 87.62, "end": 92.32, "text": "Awesome which is so directly aligned with what we're doing over here at Marriage Up With God." }, { "start": 92.38, "end": 94.6, "text": "So it's going to be an awesome conversation I think." }, { "start": 95.02, "end": 95.16, "text": "yeah." }, { "start": 95.2, "end": 102.18, "text": "before we get into The book of the episode i always just like to start with who are you how long been married?" }, { "start": 102.76, "end": 108.22, "text": "some information on your family And uh also Just i'd love to hear some in your own personal story." }, { "start": 108.34, "end": 110.34, "text": "What led You To Now Working?" }, { "start": 112.24, "end": 113.3, "text": "Absolutely, Erin." }, { "start": 113.68, "end": 119.88, "text": "So my name again is Janae Francis and I am married to Rashad And we've been married for eighteen years." }, { "start": 120.82, "end": 123.82, "text": "We got two little boys Gunnar and Reese's an." }, { "start": 124.24, "end": 125.16, "text": "they keep us busy there." }, { "start": 125.22, "end": 126.16, "text": "eleven and twelve." }, { "start": 126.92, "end": 136.28, "text": "so My background as I'm originally from Wichita Kansas went the University of Oklahoma for college Life kind of led me to Texas." }, { "start": 136.4, "end": 149.6, "text": "I had a career in higher education and during that time became a licensed therapist, so often licensed working with couples individuals families for the past...I guess it's two thousand eight." }, { "start": 150.72, "end": 166.24, "text": "And So That is little bit about like how i made my way to win shape because we have private practice in texas lived in teXAS And then our family relocated to Georgia where I learned about the Windshake Foundation and all of the different ministry arms." }, { "start": 167.36, "end": 176.44, "text": "So, I started off working as a clinician with our group care program in Windshap homes And then I have transitioned over to the marriage team." }, { "start": 176.56, "end": 195.88, "text": "In the last, it's been almost two years now that i've been on The Marriage Team and so i'm able To serve in a kind of is A beautiful merge Of my career in education plus My clinical background and So being able to write and create and curate Retreat content and retreat speakers and weekends and all the things as part of what i do?" }, { "start": 197.12, "end": 198.76, "text": "It's like a Beautiful little marriage in itself." }, { "start": 199.52, "end": 206.22, "text": "What um early On Led you to wanting to be in counseling and that sort of thing." }, { "start": 206.52, "end": 207.72, "text": "What did You just want to do?" }, { "start": 207.82, "end": 208.1, "text": "That was." }, { "start": 208.14, "end": 211.98, "text": "there's something that triggered that near from your past, you know what led you to that?" }, { "start": 212.68, "end": 216.84, "text": "Yeah, yeah I would say that i didn't really Want too early on." }, { "start": 216.94, "end": 220.26, "text": "I will Say that the seed initial seed Was planted by my grandmother." }, { "start": 220.42, "end": 224.14, "text": "I was a very young girl probably eight or nine years old." }, { "start": 224.18, "end": 230.36, "text": "The first time she talked To me about um A gift of discernment that she believed the Lord had given me." }, { "start": 230.62, "end": 236.76, "text": "And, and she talked about how just having that discernment in what...and I didn't know what that meant of course as a young lady!" }, { "start": 237.14, "end": 254.04, "text": "So She talked about that and then um..talked about how through the years i found myself always no matter what my position was in my career a position to listen and try to solve or mediate." }, { "start": 254.5, "end": 259.839, "text": "I used to work in education, so did a lot of mediation with students and with parents and staff." }, { "start": 260.12, "end": 263.66, "text": "So i found myself on these different roles that kept pointing at just different things." }, { "start": 263.74, "end": 271.58, "text": "And decided go out on a limb back into grad school study first." }, { "start": 271.84, "end": 276.5, "text": "then thats how i wanted focus on marriage & family." }, { "start": 277.82, "end": 282.14, "text": "I've always been fascinated by marriage, the topic of marriage." }, { "start": 282.86, "end": 291.2, "text": "I came from a divorced home and so i just found myself very curious as a young lady about the marriages that were able to survive." }, { "start": 291.36, "end": 293.82, "text": "in the marriages That um...that we're broken." }, { "start": 294.58, "end": 298.0, "text": "And So I Just Always Thought gosh if I ever get married?" }, { "start": 298.08, "end": 304.52, "text": "I just want To figure out what that secret is you know and and be able do that well and so I've Always Been Fascinated By The Topic." }, { "start": 305.9, "end": 309.28, "text": "So you grew up in a, uh... You came from a divorced home." }, { "start": 309.82, "end": 310.06, "text": "Uh-huh?" }, { "start": 310.62, "end": 313.22, "text": "How did some of that take place in your life?" }, { "start": 313.34, "end": 315.8, "text": "and marriage like it influenced you in a positive way." }, { "start": 315.86, "end": 317.94, "text": "I'm not saying there was no negative influence." }, { "start": 317.98, "end": 322.2, "text": "Of course There was probably but It made you think about Marriage In A Different Light." }, { "start": 322.92, "end": 326.3, "text": "It Did Some of That Growing Up The Feeling That You Had." }, { "start": 326.36, "end": 328.1, "text": "That Made You Want To Think That Way." }, { "start": 328.98, "end": 329.26, "text": "Yeah!" }, { "start": 330.04, "end": 333.4, "text": "I don't know, always been curious about human behavior and relationships." }, { "start": 333.5, "end": 336.4, "text": "And so I think there was just this natural curiosity within me." }, { "start": 337.06, "end": 347.64, "text": "And then although my family or my parents divorced, they're still married have been married a long time at this point over seventy years." }, { "start": 348.28, "end": 355.94, "text": "So you know i had both perspectives right in front of me growing up until again." }, { "start": 356.36, "end": 356.78, "text": "it's just...it" }, { "start": 359.5, "end": 359.68, "text": "Wow." }, { "start": 359.8, "end": 374.7, "text": "So I love, here and now there's in so many stories that I have on here where I'm talking to people this often There's people in their lives That are so influential because not necessarily Because of what was just said You know cuz they're there's that you said." }, { "start": 374.84, "end": 381.14, "text": "she said something too about you having a discernment In you and God given gift of that which Was impactful for you?" }, { "start": 381.52, "end": 383.94, "text": "And i'm sure She said A lot Of things but that one stood out To you." }, { "start": 384.5, "end": 384.92, "text": "it did" }, { "start": 385.12, "end": 385.44, "text": "i'm Sure." }, { "start": 385.48, "end": 392.08, "text": "there's a Lot of her own life you know, seeing your parents divorce and their way of doing relationship but then seeing your grandparents." }, { "start": 392.7, "end": 393.7, "text": "And them still being together." }, { "start": 394.4, "end": 399.74, "text": "um it's always amazing to me how powerful the influences that we have in our lives are." }, { "start": 400.62, "end": 400.72, "text": "and" }, { "start": 400.8, "end": 407.8, "text": "now they're marriage and their life uh was able to influence even beyond your parents and their direct influence." }, { "start": 407.84, "end": 412.52, "text": "yeah what are some of things that you've taken away from those two stories?" }, { "start": 413.26, "end": 415.22, "text": "That I've kind of like helped?" }, { "start": 415.58, "end": 416.28, "text": "Yeah, yeah." }, { "start": 416.42, "end": 416.42, "text": "I" }, { "start": 417.76, "end": 434.14, "text": "think with those two stories and just what i know about life in relationships um...I believe that it is a commitment And I think that those who are committed first to the Lord and to the covenant that they make in marriage." }, { "start": 434.94, "end": 443.14, "text": "And then also commit it to doing the work of marriage, I feel like you have a much greater chance at being able to survive some of the storms that come in" }, { "start": 443.2, "end": 443.6, "text": "marriage.\"." }, { "start": 444.56, "end": 461.52, "text": "So when I look at my parents' relationship first as my grandparents, I think about the age and stage of life if they were in, and I think all the things that they probably did not realize you would have come into it had they stuck out together." }, { "start": 462.16, "end": 463.62, "text": "So, its just very interesting." }, { "start": 463.68, "end": 470.94, "text": "as I think back and look at that situation in the relationship then kind of compare to other relationships." }, { "start": 470.98, "end": 478.3, "text": "i've just realized um...that is really boils down for that covenant commitment uh... that you make first with God than eachother." }, { "start": 479.66, "end": 481.56, "text": "You said if there was a sticked-out?" }, { "start": 481.9, "end": 484.86, "text": "And I feel like thats major truth." }, { "start": 484.98, "end": 488.8, "text": "that lot marriages don't realize Like we get to these sticky points." }, { "start": 488.84, "end": 491.56, "text": "He said, you know what why some marriages are broken and some marriages?" }, { "start": 491.7, "end": 496.04, "text": "Yeah the first thing I thought was...I mean all marriages Are broken." }, { "start": 496.86, "end": 499.16, "text": "We're like it's two centers Two broken people." }, { "start": 499.2, "end": 502.2, "text": "That's right People with different pasts And the way that look at life." }, { "start": 503.52, "end": 513.799, "text": "The difference between You Know Those who divorce those Who don't On majority In a majority of situations Is often is like Are going to pass this Hard spot." }, { "start": 514.32, "end": 516.2, "text": "Are we gonna go to the next step, you know?" }, { "start": 516.98, "end": 522.58, "text": "Instead of giving up here in that covenant and saying I'm going to decide on this beyond how i feel In this very moment." }, { "start": 522.82, "end": 527.66, "text": "And make a decision On something else um...I think That's really powerful for us To think about." }, { "start": 527.84, "end": 531.86, "text": "uh let's talk About if You're okay You've been married." }, { "start": 531.9, "end": 533.58, "text": "you said you've Been made eighteen years." }, { "start": 534.04, "end": 534.78, "text": "Eighteen Years" }, { "start": 534.9, "end": 535.94, "text": "Which is incredible!" }, { "start": 536.02, "end": 537.62, "text": "I'm coming Up on twenty in January." }, { "start": 538.18, "end": 538.92, "text": "Okay" }, { "start": 538.96, "end": 543.8, "text": "We were excited about that But many marriages don't even Make it to seven." }, { "start": 545.74, "end": 551.9, "text": "And nowadays, sadly and you've probably seen this a lot... I mean we're on the decline in general of people getting married at all!" }, { "start": 552.34, "end": 552.5, "text": "You know?" }, { "start": 552.56, "end": 555.32, "text": "People are just not doing it they don't care which is really sad." }, { "start": 557.1, "end": 563.4, "text": "but in your eighteen years of marriage i'm sure you've had plenty of sticky hard" }, { "start": 564.22, "end": 565.0, "text": "absolutely" }, { "start": 565.04, "end": 566.0, "text": "plenty of reasons." }, { "start": 567.62, "end": 575.08, "text": "I mean, maybe if you want to start with some of the beginning story." }, { "start": 575.34, "end": 577.52, "text": "You know what?" }, { "start": 577.56, "end": 588.32, "text": "If there's a couple of sticky moments that God led through and pointed back at your grandparents' stories and helped guide you through them" }, { "start": 589.44, "end": 589.68, "text": "Yeah!" }, { "start": 590.4, "end": 600.64, "text": "So we met in college although we didn't date in college Among other things, right?" }, { "start": 601.78, "end": 607.42, "text": "So we met each other through some mutual friends and then We just had a very organic friendship." }, { "start": 607.98, "end": 610.56, "text": "And my husband would say it was very slow moving." }, { "start": 610.66, "end": 617.02, "text": "Right but we became friends were friends and I actually went to my first grad program and then we started dating." }, { "start": 617.94, "end": 622.26, "text": "So we, you know started dating a little bit later and We were long-distance couple." }, { "start": 623.06, "end": 627.18, "text": "And then yeah Then we ended up in the same town." }, { "start": 627.42, "end": 631.0, "text": "purposely I guess he purposely relocated to the Dallas area." }, { "start": 631.3, "end": 633.76, "text": "And then we Became married after that?" }, { "start": 633.82, "end": 644.36, "text": "And so anyway, we've had a beautiful beautiful beautiful marriage and i'm so grateful To God not only for You know all the ways that we've grown in it." }, { "start": 644.42, "end": 646.84, "text": "All but just for who my husband is at the core." }, { "start": 648.12, "end": 649.86, "text": "We had a lot of sticky, right?" }, { "start": 650.52, "end": 664.72, "text": "A couple of big things that we'd have to navigate is Within the first five years of our marriage My husband's father became terminally ill and then passed away And so we had to walk through you know sickness." }, { "start": 665.3, "end": 675.64, "text": "But we also had to Walk Through a large estate Battle after his father passed away and it went on for about two years." }, { "start": 676.56, "end": 681.96, "text": "And so that was a very sticky situation That neither of us were equipped to navigate." }, { "start": 682.4, "end": 687.02, "text": "It could have potentially caused us to drift into really disconnect." }, { "start": 688.48, "end": 691.56, "text": "So, you know I'm grateful we made through that" }, { "start": 694.66, "end": 694.78, "text": "One." }, { "start": 694.82, "end": 700.1, "text": "in the midst there's the grief that is so hard to navigate, start understand even." }, { "start": 701.12, "end": 703.26, "text": "Did you just a little side question?" }, { "start": 703.32, "end": 707.04, "text": "did his father not have an estate set up or like?" }, { "start": 709.28, "end": 710.26, "text": "oh gosh I'm forgetting what" }, { "start": 710.3, "end": 712.12, "text": "it's called Like A Will Or Trust?" }, { "start": 712.36, "end": 714.24, "text": "Yeah It's a trust Thank" }, { "start": 714.28, "end": 714.48, "text": "You!" }, { "start": 714.52, "end": 726.66, "text": "He had he had a will and some things in place but because of those things were contested was very sticky layered complex situation Family stuff." }, { "start": 726.78, "end": 738.04, "text": "So it was one of those things that was very unexpected because leading up to his father's death He thought right we thought but everything was going to go as planned." }, { "start": 739.1, "end": 747.38, "text": "And so there were some unexpected and some things that came out from left in left field That no one could have prepared for, so yeah" }, { "start": 749.24, "end": 750.88, "text": "I mean It's a big deal." }, { "start": 751.12, "end": 752.3, "text": "like so loss." }, { "start": 752.76, "end": 755.26, "text": "family lost what he was close to his parents i'm assuming" }, { "start": 756.02, "end": 756.76, "text": "Sure, sure." }, { "start": 756.96, "end": 764.64, "text": "And when you are grieving and then your walking through something with courts and attorneys it's super duper expensive." }, { "start": 765.06, "end": 770.78, "text": "You can't even grieve properly because there is this door that not closed." }, { "start": 770.82, "end": 772.26, "text": "It just feels like unfinished business." }, { "start": 772.98, "end": 775.1, "text": "So really is grief delayed" }, { "start": 777.26, "end": 781.06, "text": "Even though the full grieving is still delayed?" }, { "start": 781.28, "end": 785.7, "text": "There also a layer of weight Describe." }, { "start": 785.78, "end": 787.32, "text": "that's on top of all the other things." }, { "start": 787.36, "end": 787.9, "text": "That's right" }, { "start": 788.02, "end": 791.26, "text": "filter, but you're seeing things through the filter that your hearing Things Through." }, { "start": 791.3, "end": 791.84, "text": "that's" }, { "start": 791.88, "end": 792.62, "text": "right" }, { "start": 792.68, "end": 793.02, "text": "feeling." }, { "start": 793.12, "end": 794.36, "text": "things are all filtered to us." }, { "start": 794.72, "end": 795.14, "text": "this loss." }, { "start": 795.42, "end": 799.64, "text": "I lost my My only brother a few years ago." }, { "start": 800.36, "end": 803.48, "text": "Wow and i'm On an emotional side of things." }, { "start": 804.04, "end": 805.82, "text": "I don't know how To deal with emotions very well." }, { "start": 805.86, "end": 822.02, "text": "it's something i've talked about in my podcast A lot being my wife have to talk About a lot emotions or weird thing for me Something i'm trying asking God to work in me and change, but grief is a weird thing because I don't fully understand it." }, { "start": 822.22, "end": 823.96, "text": "Fully not experience at all the way." }, { "start": 824.64, "end": 831.86, "text": "But there was things that iIwas dealing with coming out you know an anger or in the way think of apathy." }, { "start": 832.38, "end": 835.62, "text": "It's just such a weird... But yeah!" }, { "start": 835.68, "end": 837.04, "text": "That was a lot." }, { "start": 837.14, "end": 843.88, "text": "so loss for father and legal, then family on top of all that." }, { "start": 843.92, "end": 844.42, "text": "That's a big" }, { "start": 844.88, "end": 845.16, "text": "deal!" }, { "start": 846.34, "end": 851.18, "text": "In the midst what were some things you and your husband were doing spiritually like in together?" }, { "start": 852.92, "end": 855.44, "text": "And how God led you through it?" }, { "start": 856.6, "end": 860.92, "text": "Yeah for sure there was lot going at time." }, { "start": 861.88, "end": 868.1, "text": "we had been in rhythms totally used to our spiritual life or connection." }, { "start": 868.34, "end": 873.08, "text": "so one thing That we had done and here's my point to all of this Aaron is that?" }, { "start": 873.14, "end": 874.42, "text": "We had a create some new rhythms." }, { "start": 874.62, "end": 877.14, "text": "We have to figure out Some things, that would work in that season." }, { "start": 877.7, "end": 882.34, "text": "similar To you My husband Would say that emotionally he was at A loss." }, { "start": 882.42, "end": 885.28, "text": "He Had no understanding really Of the depth of feelings." }, { "start": 885.72, "end": 890.78, "text": "grief Was a New friend to him And he just had No idea even how to navigate All of that." }, { "start": 891.32, "end": 904.48, "text": "so we had to employ a third party and get some counseling to kind of help walk us through that, and educate really us from how we could survive it." }, { "start": 904.92, "end": 914.3, "text": "The other thing is just figure out what was going not necessarily but meaningful or impactful for the season." }, { "start": 914.6, "end": 922.56, "text": "so in earlier seasons I was also pregnant at time expecting our first style!" }, { "start": 923.14, "end": 923.48, "text": "Oh," }, { "start": 923.74, "end": 924.5, "text": "so on top of all that." }, { "start": 925.12, "end": 925.22, "text": "Yes!" }, { "start": 925.3, "end": 926.72, "text": "About to be a dad for the first time?" }, { "start": 928.56, "end": 929.28, "text": "That's right." }, { "start": 929.38, "end": 936.8, "text": "and so within that time or going through that large estate battle you know we had a son during that time." }, { "start": 936.86, "end": 939.94, "text": "And so it was one of those things where we had to do what made sense." }, { "start": 939.98, "end": 955.7, "text": "and So, One other thing is we held very true We've always done like a Bible study More devotional...we call in the book club..We have always done that and read together and Had question in prayertime nightly....and so did up until we couldn't when baby came." }, { "start": 956.82, "end": 961.2, "text": "Then really learned how to dig into A serious prayer life." }, { "start": 961.68, "end": 970.1, "text": "because I Always say if people, I don't know how we could have navigated that as beautifully and as peacefully as we did." }, { "start": 970.92, "end": 975.92, "text": "But it was nothing but the spirit of God that was alive and well in both us through that" }, { "start": 976.02, "end": 976.36, "text": "season.\"." }, { "start": 976.54, "end": 997.18, "text": "And so just really tuning into a prayer life...and what i learned from this because again my husband has grown over the last eighteen years when he came to feelings is what gave me eyes into what he was feeling and thinking." }, { "start": 997.76, "end": 1009.9, "text": "And I'm so grateful that we have that rhythm employed because outside of that, I would've been probably confused or either on the wrong track in my thinking in terms where he was?" }, { "start": 1011.04, "end": 1022.8, "text": "My wife and I had not a similar situation but in first five years like we were dealing with struggles you know... We had some sexual issues at our marriage Same story." }, { "start": 1023.14, "end": 1027.98, "text": "We had a rhythm of prayer with each other and devotion, we loved the Lord." }, { "start": 1028.06, "end": 1050.5, "text": "And I believe that if didn't have those rhythms exactly what you're saying Even though we got to point out thinking about Divorce even when we thought it would be done The Lord was still there speaking to us because we had that And I know we wouldn't have." }, { "start": 1051.22, "end": 1067.92, "text": "Yeah, so having that routine and i think what you just said about your husband not knowing necessarily how to give the words emotionally which is with his prayers gave you a door gave you an open window?" }, { "start": 1068.02, "end": 1068.46, "text": "I should say" }, { "start": 1069.32, "end": 1069.48, "text": "oh" }, { "start": 1070.9, "end": 1085.1, "text": "You know because when we go out of God and we share our hearts We try and tell people all the time on this podcast in With Our Resources That's one of the beauties of prayer is, you know when your confessing to Lord and sharing your heart in fears." }, { "start": 1085.16, "end": 1086.4, "text": "on that The questions." }, { "start": 1086.44, "end": 1088.74, "text": "You have any like oh I didn't." }, { "start": 1088.8, "end": 1090.98, "text": "no they were thinking that or felt" }, { "start": 1091.12, "end": 1091.3, "text": "yeah" }, { "start": 1092.44, "end": 1094.6, "text": "So it's not only as a dust gone before the lord." }, { "start": 1094.66, "end": 1097.46, "text": "It's like its intimacy with each other also." }, { "start": 1098.2, "end": 1098.68, "text": "That's right." }, { "start": 1099.2, "end": 1099.88, "text": "And you experience?" }, { "start": 1099.94, "end": 1100.5, "text": "That so beautiful." }, { "start": 1100.54, "end": 1104.54, "text": "So I hope everyone's listening just catching them be like Oh Like we shouldn't be avoiding this." }, { "start": 1104.58, "end": 1114.22, "text": "This is something that should totally incorporate into our life, not just because of the first of all were called to do it but with a relationship with God." }, { "start": 1114.3, "end": 1123.06, "text": "But It's such a different level of intimacy With your spouse To pray with them and to reveal at heart Before god in front Of them." }, { "start": 1124.06, "end": 1124.44, "text": "Yes" }, { "start": 1126.12, "end": 1131.36, "text": "So you guys would Be In The Word Together Praying together regularly And probably moment by moment." }, { "start": 1132.06, "end": 1137.9, "text": "Some situations You mentioned." }, { "start": 1137.94, "end": 1138.94, "text": "there was a couple of sticky things." }, { "start": 1139.0, "end": 1140.7, "text": "Is there another one you'd like to share about?" }, { "start": 1141.32, "end": 1142.62, "text": "Sure, I'll share another." }, { "start": 1143.54, "end": 1144.7, "text": "so then fast forward." }, { "start": 1146.48, "end": 1152.12, "text": "We are now I think post baby number two and we had babies our boys or eighteen months apart in age." }, { "start": 1152.8, "end": 1159.48, "text": "So, you know it was a very short time frame where we have both of those pregnancies And then coming out of the second pregnancy." }, { "start": 1160.18, "end": 1163.68, "text": "I learned that I have to have a hip replacement right hip replacement." }, { "start": 1165.9, "end": 1169.14, "text": "so It is again sudden out-of-the-blue." }, { "start": 1169.64, "end": 1180.84, "text": "um i Had been a jogger and I used to job daily probably five days a week or so Um, and it was really what I did not just for my physical body but from my mind." }, { "start": 1180.92, "end": 1185.7, "text": "And so It was like a practice that i had been in the rhythm and it'd been with me My entire adult life." }, { "start": 1185.8, "end": 1189.74, "text": "and um when I first started experiencing some issues and falling?" }, { "start": 1190.02, "end": 1194.4, "text": "I thought that my knees were giving Me problems because I had had some issues with them before." }, { "start": 1195.46, "end": 1204.8, "text": "Only to learn after a singi think I went To four doctors and The fourth doctor Was the one who discovered That I didn't have A knee issue hip issue." }, { "start": 1205.02, "end": 1211.36, "text": "And by the way, it cannot be repaired by physical therapy or medication or anything." }, { "start": 1211.66, "end": 1213.24, "text": "you need surgery You need a whole hip." }, { "start": 1214.48, "end": 1216.6, "text": "so anyway that was second sticky situation." }, { "start": 1218.04, "end": 1218.58, "text": "That's really rough." }, { "start": 1218.68, "end": 1227.46, "text": "So I'm having to walk with you through recovery mental state of realizing this is she are back to jogging again?" }, { "start": 1228.68, "end": 1230.28, "text": "I don't jog like i used." }, { "start": 1232.3, "end": 1237.52, "text": "I will do short jogs, but no not three to five miles anymore." }, { "start": 1237.74, "end": 1241.4, "text": "No maybe one mile at a time just a couple of days a week." }, { "start": 1241.62, "end": 1245.62, "text": "But know because i want to preserve the same hip that i've had almost ten years now." }, { "start": 1245.7, "end": 1247.64, "text": "i want To preserve it as long as i can." }, { "start": 1249.06, "end": 1256.62, "text": "Okay so eighteen years married Got through some hard stuff and i'm sure As we all do work you're gonna have more season in The future." }, { "start": 1256.68, "end": 1257.6, "text": "what are you doing?" }, { "start": 1257.7, "end": 1258.94, "text": "Do you guys Work together?" }, { "start": 1259.22, "end": 1260.6, "text": "um i know your with wind shape." }, { "start": 1261.38, "end": 1262.54, "text": "You have a podcast, I believe." }, { "start": 1262.58, "end": 1264.72, "text": "Do you guys do stuff together in ministry?" }, { "start": 1264.88, "end": 1264.92, "text": "We" }, { "start": 1265.04, "end": 1266.32, "text": "do some marriage work together." }, { "start": 1266.42, "end": 1283.7, "text": "yes we offer marriage retreats sometimes marriage events date nights things like that to try create community for couples and to make sure that we are not only sharing our story, but also just being an encouragement in light." }, { "start": 1283.74, "end": 1287.34, "text": "And Community because so many people what?" }, { "start": 1287.4, "end": 1301.14, "text": "We have found it in this age and stage of life with kids who are booked and busy like ours or Like People Are Missing Community and needing intentional time With their spouse and So we try To Create Some Of Those Things From Time-to-Time." }, { "start": 1302.58, "end": 1304.0, "text": "I love that you're bringing up community." }, { "start": 1304.08, "end": 1310.58, "text": "It's something, absolutely one hundredth and believe in the church of Christ The Body of Christ." }, { "start": 1310.62, "end": 1311.36, "text": "we are meant to be a body." }, { "start": 1313.42, "end": 1314.12, "text": "We need each other." }, { "start": 1314.8, "end": 1317.64, "text": "That's right." }, { "start": 1317.7, "end": 1319.46, "text": "How did that play out with your own marriage?" }, { "start": 1321.32, "end": 1322.48, "text": "This is what... We needed." }, { "start": 1322.64, "end": 1323.62, "text": "focusing on this and marriages." }, { "start": 1323.66, "end": 1326.6, "text": "You need to point them Like find another" }, { "start": 1326.76, "end": 1327.58, "text": "couple" }, { "start": 1327.62, "end": 1327.88, "text": "relationship." }, { "start": 1327.92, "end": 1329.32, "text": "What happened when they played" }, { "start": 1330.36, "end": 1330.56, "text": "it?" }, { "start": 1331.12, "end": 1334.16, "text": "You know, we first started when he first got married." }, { "start": 1334.24, "end": 1340.68, "text": "We were invited to a couple's Bible study and We joined that Kirk couples by Bible study." }, { "start": 1340.74, "end": 1342.72, "text": "And I think we hadn't been married a full year yet." }, { "start": 1343.36, "end": 1343.66, "text": "and what?" }, { "start": 1343.78, "end": 1353.0, "text": "I will say is we were part of that study probably the first nine years Of our marriage and then we relocated it to Georgia." }, { "start": 1353.22, "end": 1354.86, "text": "And so that's where we lost community." }, { "start": 1356.0, "end": 1360.92, "text": "But Yes, no it was amazing." }, { "start": 1361.0, "end": 1367.74, "text": "It was amazing because we rocked all different stages of life and some of us had you know when we started We didn't have children." }, { "start": 1367.8, "end": 1370.36, "text": "We waited And so we had children a little bit later." }, { "start": 1370.4, "end": 1375.48, "text": "But everyone was able to pour into one another and it was just very beautiful time." }, { "start": 1375.68, "end": 1382.02, "text": "and One of the things that I think that was highly beneficial Just our growth together as a couple." }, { "start": 1382.6, "end": 1392.3, "text": "So when we lost that community, part of starting our own marriage ministry was so that we could try to reconnect and create something new." }, { "start": 1392.6, "end": 1392.8, "text": "uh-huh?" }, { "start": 1393.52, "end": 1394.82, "text": "You were there for nine years." }, { "start": 1395.22, "end": 1397.26, "text": "you almost didn't know anything else." }, { "start": 1398.16, "end": 1403.04, "text": "your early married pre kids got into this community grew with this community for nine." }, { "start": 1406.24, "end": 1410.88, "text": "You had this community, you didn't know anything different when you were moving." }, { "start": 1412.86, "end": 1413.94, "text": "Did that come into mind?" }, { "start": 1414.36, "end": 1415.76, "text": "We're like oh how we're leaving this..." }, { "start": 1416.52, "end": 1417.1, "text": "Absolutely!" }, { "start": 1417.46, "end": 1417.64, "text": "Yes so" }, { "start": 1419.94, "end": 1424.1, "text": "you guys are ready for the shock of not having that community." }, { "start": 1425.44, "end": 1430.34, "text": "I'm gonna say we weren't ready but But we felt it for sure and we have to walk through it." }, { "start": 1430.8, "end": 1431.96, "text": "What do you going to say about marriages?" }, { "start": 1432.0, "end": 1435.58, "text": "because most marriages don't even need them." }, { "start": 1436.48, "end": 1437.26, "text": "They have some friends." }, { "start": 1437.88, "end": 1439.4, "text": "You know, the queen is in a church." }, { "start": 1441.22, "end": 1443.62, "text": "they probably think that they had fellowship." }, { "start": 1444.36, "end": 1456.64, "text": "Yeah most marriages do not have close intimate relationships with other marriages where like you said pour into eachother, bury eachother's burdens call eachothers garbage out hold eachother accountable." }, { "start": 1456.7, "end": 1457.66, "text": "That's right." }, { "start": 1458.0, "end": 1458.78, "text": "They're just doing it on their own." }, { "start": 1461.14, "end": 1464.5, "text": "Everyone listening now gets one thing from this What Is It Right Now?" }, { "start": 1465.56, "end": 1466.58, "text": "why they should be pursuing this." }, { "start": 1467.3, "end": 1481.84, "text": "Yeah, well I think sometimes when you're walking through seasons in marriage whether it is a hard one or sometimes just transition um It often can feel like your alone And no one understands, because there are a lot of things that we walk through in marriage." }, { "start": 1481.88, "end": 1483.28, "text": "That we never talk about out loud." }, { "start": 1483.76, "end": 1504.56, "text": "and so my greatest encouragement is just knowing that being in fellowship with other people not only helps you to grow as a couple but it also helps to kind of normalize the different stages The different seasons or different transitions A different sticky situations You may find yourself in Because what you realize Is...You're Not Alone In It" }, { "start": 1505.2, "end": 1505.54, "text": "And" }, { "start": 1505.64, "end": 1513.74, "text": "that can be very stabilizing, but also encouraging to know that oh someone else has walked through this and they're okay." }, { "start": 1513.94, "end": 1520.4, "text": "Their marriage is doing great or their marriage has transitioned and is adjusting beautifully right?" }, { "start": 1520.86, "end": 1531.64, "text": "So I think it's just an encouragement to know That um It just normalizes things and helps you feel like there somebody else who You can share these experiences with." }, { "start": 1534.8, "end": 1540.7, "text": "This is exactly what my wife and I experienced when we, four years in our marriage joined a Marriage Bible study." }, { "start": 1540.82, "end": 1551.84, "text": "It's one of the major things that transformed our marriage And it's something like incorporated into everything We do now as this idea being in Christian community fellowship true Fellowship not true" }, { "start": 1551.92, "end": 1552.36, "text": "fellowship" }, { "start": 1553.14, "end": 1553.9, "text": "service level stuff." }, { "start": 1554.34, "end": 1555.72, "text": "That's right." }, { "start": 1555.86, "end": 1556.44, "text": "Was that feeling?" }, { "start": 1556.98, "end": 1558.5, "text": "Oh Not alone." }, { "start": 1558.72, "end": 1563.78, "text": "Uh, I had someone on once and they called that...I think it was called the uniqueness fallacy or something like that?" }, { "start": 1563.82, "end": 1566.94, "text": "Or there's a term you use with oh i'm the only one dealing with this." }, { "start": 1567.54, "end": 1569.92, "text": "my wife and I are the only ones struggling in this area." }, { "start": 1570.46, "end": 1579.02, "text": "everyone else seems fine so we must be crazy or broken And then you sit down and you're like Oh Like You also fought all the way to Bible study." }, { "start": 1579.9, "end": 1580.28, "text": "That's right!" }, { "start": 1580.72, "end": 1586.92, "text": "Yeah It is So important To know because There Is Nothing New In The Sun." }, { "start": 1587.36, "end": 1589.28, "text": "Jesus tells us that, you know the Bible." }, { "start": 1589.32, "end": 1589.9, "text": "tell us about Jesus." }, { "start": 1591.16, "end": 1593.28, "text": "He's acquainted with all of our sufferings." }, { "start": 1593.5, "end": 1597.28, "text": "he understands All of the temptations we have and issues We haven't." }, { "start": 1598.04, "end": 1601.58, "text": "And so it there is nothing new and It's So good to be in community." }, { "start": 1602.4, "end": 1607.62, "text": "Um, so your right content You are a counselor?" }, { "start": 1607.9, "end": 1609.48, "text": "You have this background." }, { "start": 1610.56, "end": 1619.32, "text": "I'm sure you see A lot Of themes within marriages coming too coming through the wind shape, you know family." }, { "start": 1620.1, "end": 1621.62, "text": "Sure what are some of those themes?" }, { "start": 1621.66, "end": 1629.06, "text": "You're seeing today in this modern culture we're in and issues were dealing with within the world." }, { "start": 1630.2, "end": 1634.12, "text": "What are some Of these things that your singing marriage And where's somethings they use?" }, { "start": 1634.16, "end": 1634.98, "text": "speak to Those Things" }, { "start": 1635.54, "end": 1638.72, "text": "uh-huh and when you're saying themes tell me more about." }, { "start": 1639.36, "end": 1639.46, "text": "Yeah" }, { "start": 1640.2, "end": 1644.98, "text": "like I'm sure there's a lot of Issues That marriages Are Dealing With Right Now." }, { "start": 1645.58, "end": 1649.42, "text": "There's nothing new, but I'm sure there are some commonalities of" }, { "start": 1650.18, "end": 1650.64, "text": "struggles" }, { "start": 1650.68, "end": 1653.4, "text": "that're coming in one being alone." }, { "start": 1655.38, "end": 1656.86, "text": "Not walking with other believers." }, { "start": 1657.8, "end": 1660.12, "text": "What is the other thing you see?" }, { "start": 1661.04, "end": 1665.48, "text": "My listeners will be like oh i can relate to this and have my eyes open for these things." }, { "start": 1666.74, "end": 1668.24, "text": "One of biggest things." }, { "start": 1668.32, "end": 1669.82, "text": "it just a feeling of disconnection." }, { "start": 1671.56, "end": 1674.48, "text": "You know, I think that's a big deal and a big thing." }, { "start": 1674.56, "end": 1677.84, "text": "And especially when couples come to retreat." }, { "start": 1677.9, "end": 1691.48, "text": "we've got couples that are coming just for the purpose of trying to get away and spend some time alone together but then you have other couples That Are Coming To Try To Find Connection With Each Other Or Community with Others Right?" }, { "start": 1691.7, "end": 1706.7, "text": "So i Think The Loneliness Piece We Talked About But Then There Is Also This Disconnection Another Thing That Im Seeing Currently And there's just this rising tide around it, which is infertility." }, { "start": 1707.92, "end": 1708.24, "text": "Wow!" }, { "start": 1708.8, "end": 1710.52, "text": "Yeah that's a big deal right now." }, { "start": 1712.08, "end": 1717.18, "text": "So lots of couples wanting children and just can't." }, { "start": 1719.28, "end": 1720.14, "text": "That's really heartbreaking." }, { "start": 1720.76, "end": 1724.3, "text": "We don't have to get too deep into it." }, { "start": 1724.34, "end": 1725.74, "text": "but I mean theories on what's going on?" }, { "start": 1725.84, "end": 1731.4, "text": "It said environment COVID...I mean lot of things happened in the last five six years." }, { "start": 1731.96, "end": 1732.52, "text": "That's right." }, { "start": 1732.9, "end": 1734.12, "text": "What are some of the things we're seeing?" }, { "start": 1735.0, "end": 1748.94, "text": "Yeah, I think one of the most obvious thing is that people are waiting to get married and so with age there come physical implications for weighting in your reproductive organs." }, { "start": 1749.5, "end": 1754.12, "text": "So i think it was an obvious explanation on what happened" }, { "start": 1759.36, "end": 1766.86, "text": "Lots of people not getting married and then waiting until they're thirties, mid-thirties which apparently geriatric." }, { "start": 1767.28, "end": 1768.32, "text": "That's right crazy" }, { "start": 1769.7, "end": 1770.64, "text": "but man." }, { "start": 1770.78, "end": 1773.14, "text": "so the consequence of the weighting." }, { "start": 1774.18, "end": 1784.38, "text": "it makes sense that in our early early twenties you know seventeen eighteen nineteen twenty is when we were highest hormonally ready" }, { "start": 1784.52, "end": 1784.98, "text": "for that." }, { "start": 1786.74, "end": 1787.4, "text": "It such a bummer." }, { "start": 1787.98, "end": 1790.8, "text": "How do we change that narrative?" }, { "start": 1793.0, "end": 1794.38, "text": "That direction, where going?" }, { "start": 1794.84, "end": 1796.66, "text": "because there's been a narrative." }, { "start": 1796.7, "end": 1803.44, "text": "That's been spoken to us by the world but even the church and people in the Church is kind of convinced." }, { "start": 1803.56, "end": 1813.84, "text": "as you know many families having being raised in divorced homes seeing abuse saying all these things it like I don't want them." }, { "start": 1814.22, "end": 1823.08, "text": "the drive to or think marriage and children keeps us from fulfilling our life, your mission in life." }, { "start": 1823.92, "end": 1824.78, "text": "How do we change that?" }, { "start": 1824.82, "end": 1826.1, "text": "Because it's not what it used to be." }, { "start": 1827.82, "end": 1828.24, "text": "It is not" }, { "start": 1828.8, "end": 1830.1, "text": "different you know From beginning." }, { "start": 1831.02, "end": 1839.96, "text": "so how do I start breaking out against That and reteaching like my kids have six kids And i'm trying my hardest Like show them something different and Not To believe" }, { "start": 1842.82, "end": 1846.02, "text": "Yeah, it's tough and I don't know what the solution is because I myself." }, { "start": 1846.18, "end": 1848.42, "text": "I can admit that I was not raised." }, { "start": 1848.62, "end": 1859.26, "text": "tell people all time I wasn't really raised to seek out to be married And I came from a very Christian home and we were always serving and worshiping in all the things." }, { "start": 1859.84, "end": 1864.0, "text": "um That was just not the way that my parents raised us." }, { "start": 1864.04, "end": 1874.28, "text": "they raise this to be very independent and to really focus first on education and setting yourself up for marriage or children are being a parent, whatever." }, { "start": 1874.36, "end": 1877.38, "text": "And so I'm one of those." }, { "start": 1877.56, "end": 1883.56, "text": "and when i had my boys...I have to go through the geriatric appointments because you know that age." }, { "start": 1883.6, "end": 1885.78, "text": "at thirty-five is that age?" }, { "start": 1885.94, "end": 1887.18, "text": "So I fell in all about it as well!" }, { "start": 1887.22, "end": 1893.84, "text": "Because I listened to this messaging waiting and making sure they were set up." }, { "start": 1895.74, "end": 1909.2, "text": "What you just said was part helping to encourage our children of not only what the word says, but also like living it out so that they can see the beauty." }, { "start": 1909.94, "end": 1912.08, "text": "Of What The Word Says in marriage?" }, { "start": 1913.12, "end": 1914.06, "text": "It's interesting." }, { "start": 1914.14, "end": 1928.5, "text": "I was taught to wait But I will say that since i've been married I was able To complete a doctorate degree as A married woman with two Children And so it was one of those things that at one point I sat there and thought about." }, { "start": 1928.94, "end": 1931.42, "text": "Oh, oh It is possible right?" }, { "start": 1932.12, "end": 1933.68, "text": "Right now it was hard work." }, { "start": 1934.08, "end": 1935.58, "text": "Um, it wasn't a seamless." }, { "start": 1936.0, "end": 1937.38, "text": "i didn't have as much time." }, { "start": 1937.76, "end": 1941.8, "text": "i had to be very creative on how i was able To figure out how to get that done." }, { "start": 1942.58, "end": 1946.78, "text": "um would've been easier without children absolutely but it Is possible." }, { "start": 1947.46, "end": 1954.98, "text": "So it's really interesting that I think we do have to be very intentional To recreate some of those messages and i know, but i'm Very intentional because." }, { "start": 1955.04, "end": 1957.72, "text": "I don't want my children at Some point being able to say what?" }, { "start": 1957.88, "end": 1959.64, "text": "I said which is i wouldn't raise me married." }, { "start": 1959.7, "end": 1961.08, "text": "But that's just the truth of a matter." }, { "start": 1961.92, "end": 1966.14, "text": "yeah you Know another now saying hopefully not to shame You all." }, { "start": 1966.18, "end": 1970.6, "text": "like cuz We are dealing with What weren't taught or were" }, { "start": 1970.98, "end": 1971.18, "text": "right" }, { "start": 1972.0, "end": 1977.22, "text": "And you know trying to figure out the next right steps to take and walking it out." }, { "start": 1977.54, "end": 1985.3, "text": "And, I have so many mistakes in the way that i've lived ,in my life ." }, { "start": 1986.56, "end": 1987.98, "text": "How do I help kids not be like this?" }, { "start": 1988.16, "end": 1989.52, "text": "Yeah!" }, { "start": 1989.56, "end": 1989.68, "text": "For" }, { "start": 1990.5, "end": 1990.72, "text": "sure!" }, { "start": 1991.72, "end": 1994.98, "text": "You know..I was very selfish as a young Christian raised into a Christian home." }, { "start": 1995.28, "end": 1998.4, "text": "My parents are still together...and I didn't want any kids at all." }, { "start": 1999.46, "end": 2001.0, "text": "God had changed me heart." }, { "start": 2001.22, "end": 2005.14, "text": "You want to know it, you wanna know the father side of me." }, { "start": 2005.26, "end": 2005.74, "text": "You gotta become a" }, { "start": 2005.8, "end": 2006.06, "text": "Father.\"." }, { "start": 2006.14, "end": 2006.54, "text": "I'm like oh!" }, { "start": 2006.58, "end": 2008.14, "text": "I was like Dave." }, { "start": 2008.22, "end": 2015.08, "text": "how did...I didn't even though that was A side i can owe of you but It made perfect sense once The Holy Spirit revealed That To Me." }, { "start": 2016.26, "end": 2023.8, "text": "But uh..i think its all these Like your parents encouraging you be independent is not a bad thing Like that's" }, { "start": 2023.92, "end": 2024.36, "text": "a good thing." }, { "start": 2024.4, "end": 2024.52, "text": "It was!" }, { "start": 2025.9, "end": 2038.62, "text": "But I think We often we can elevate Good Things to position they don't belong in And it's something that shouldn't be because I can teach my, My kids to have an independence." }, { "start": 2038.66, "end": 2043.36, "text": "Be able to take care of themselves but also look forward to like taking care someone else." }, { "start": 2044.26, "end": 2047.84, "text": "cause thats a big part is actually its not just for your sake Its For Someone Else's Sake." }, { "start": 2049.84, "end": 2054.56, "text": "It's making sure we get the full picture which is so hard and do well." }, { "start": 2055.139, "end": 2060.199, "text": "But i love what you said That Not Just Telling Them With Our Words But Showing Them." }, { "start": 2060.86, "end": 2061.98, "text": "Yeah, gosh that I mean." }, { "start": 2062.02, "end": 2062.96, "text": "That's why we have this ministry." }, { "start": 2063.04, "end": 2068.06, "text": "but my wife and I it's you know constantly were like We had to tell them over and over again with him or like?" }, { "start": 2068.76, "end": 2072.46, "text": "We got a show them out To then what we believe." }, { "start": 2074.32, "end": 2076.639, "text": "Because I truly I believe this." }, { "start": 2077.32, "end": 2079.86, "text": "What we believe is actually how we're gonna live." }, { "start": 2079.94, "end": 2081.179, "text": "so we could say a lot of things." }, { "start": 2081.5, "end": 2092.4, "text": "But if we don't believe what we say, we're not going to live without And our kids feel that see us are like yeah You're telling me this one thing, but you don't Believe It Because if you did, you'd do it." }, { "start": 2092.46, "end": 2094.179, "text": "So that's a beautiful thing." }, { "start": 2094.679, "end": 2098.52, "text": "It's not just that we tell them the better way like hey here is what I'm going to be doing." }, { "start": 2100.14, "end": 2105.86, "text": "but let us show them Let those things change us on the inside so that we can reflect onto them." }, { "start": 2105.92, "end": 2112.38, "text": "and people often say they catch more than they hear by what you do Like." }, { "start": 2112.42, "end": 2112.58, "text": "maybe" }, { "start": 2113.08, "end": 2113.3, "text": "you" }, { "start": 2113.34, "end": 2124.64, "text": "could tell all sorts of things But for hypocrites probably the biggest from when i've seen reason, people growing up." }, { "start": 2126.12, "end": 2134.56, "text": "They rebelled against things that they grew up in and learned out of that hypocrisy like oh yeah I told me this and told me that my parents loved God." }, { "start": 2134.62, "end": 2144.8, "text": "And then see the way their parents treated each other The Way they Treated others...the way they acted..The way they invested All the Things That they did was the opposite Of what they said." }, { "start": 2145.5, "end": 2145.68, "text": "Yeah!" }, { "start": 2146.36, "end": 2147.12, "text": "...and i don't want to be that." }, { "start": 2148.6, "end": 2150.74, "text": "And so there's a lot of apologizing that I have to do my kids." }, { "start": 2152.1, "end": 2154.18, "text": "Yeah, So That's really good." }, { "start": 2155.42, "end": 2157.44, "text": "um i love you." }, { "start": 2157.48, "end": 2158.64, "text": "your the patterns." }, { "start": 2158.68, "end": 2159.36, "text": "You're seeing that?" }, { "start": 2160.38, "end": 2164.52, "text": "The disconnection mm-hmm Is is so sad." }, { "start": 2164.6, "end": 2168.24, "text": "I know that's not the Lord's plan for us as believers Not just married." }, { "start": 2169.28, "end": 2172.62, "text": "He desires this To be in In the body Of Christ." }, { "start": 2172.66, "end": 2173.22, "text": "I mean the six." }, { "start": 2174.38, "end": 2178.16, "text": "you know, lower commandments are all relational between us and others." }, { "start": 2178.86, "end": 2180.98, "text": "The first four are between us in" }, { "start": 2181.06, "end": 2181.24, "text": "him.\"." }, { "start": 2182.54, "end": 2184.46, "text": "And so it's weighted on." }, { "start": 2184.62, "end": 2188.54, "text": "how do we treat each other is a reflection of our relationship with God?" }, { "start": 2189.86, "end": 2190.92, "text": "So what are some encouragements?" }, { "start": 2191.0, "end": 2195.56, "text": "not just because there's a bunch people listening and they're thinking like yeah I feel alone... Yeah!" }, { "start": 2195.64, "end": 2196.16, "text": "We don't have" }, { "start": 2196.32, "end": 2196.82, "text": "community....Yeah!!" }, { "start": 2196.88, "end": 2203.5, "text": "We're not walking with a bunch of believers and i've heard this a lot too-we tried We tried." }, { "start": 2204.24, "end": 2212.44, "text": "It didn't work, we try it over here and I just what are some things that couples could be first of all praying about?" }, { "start": 2213.82, "end": 2215.78, "text": "find deep fellowship community?" }, { "start": 2217.62, "end": 2219.0, "text": "And then some action steps." }, { "start": 2219.88, "end": 2227.72, "text": "Yeah, you know when you were saying I've tried and it didn't work That's the first thing that came to mind for me is that have you all prayed together about?" }, { "start": 2227.92, "end": 2233.18, "text": "And ask the Lord to open The door and to really literally guide You into the space." }, { "start": 2233.78, "end": 2236.18, "text": "Um, that would be a great fit For you because I will." }, { "start": 2236.38, "end": 2242.08, "text": "i'd known for sure that God Will absolutely open It up and put you plant you exactly where you need To Be." }, { "start": 2243.44, "end": 2250.96, "text": "but When people have those bad experiences or when they have experiences that aren't quite a fit, it can be very discouraging." }, { "start": 2251.06, "end": 2253.34, "text": "And so then it becomes this thing where we don't try anymore." }, { "start": 2254.7, "end": 2264.58, "text": "But what I think is when you feel disconnected and you feel alone... My encouragement is that it's temporary It's the state your in but not to stay there." }, { "start": 2265.72, "end": 2271.7, "text": "And so some of the things that, one of the thing I encourage couples to do is really focus on the connection." }, { "start": 2272.34, "end": 2281.08, "text": "Because often times for me personally we've got couples who may enter counseling and they'll say you know...we have communication problems." }, { "start": 2281.58, "end": 2282.34, "text": "We're not talking!" }, { "start": 2283.44, "end": 2286.18, "text": "What i know for sure from it's a intimacy problem." }, { "start": 2286.62, "end": 2292.84, "text": "You've got an intimacy problem and it's full scale, so its spiritual intimacy is lacking." }, { "start": 2292.94, "end": 2296.26, "text": "Emotional intimacy is lagging your recreational intimacy as lacking." }, { "start": 2296.34, "end": 2303.9, "text": "And So It's one of those things that you really focus in on the relationship and Really try to attack your intimacy problem." }, { "start": 2304.78, "end": 2308.74, "text": "That Is what can help move a couple from that place of disconnection?" }, { "start": 2310.94, "end": 2312.2, "text": "What you just said was really awesome." }, { "start": 2312.76, "end": 2314.46, "text": "it's not a communication problem, but an intimacy." }, { "start": 2314.56, "end": 2319.4, "text": "Problem that feeling closeness is so good." }, { "start": 2320.32, "end": 2331.92, "text": "the other thing you were talking about as You know praying about at first asking the Lord like hey bring us community something I often think about." }, { "start": 2333.1, "end": 2343.5, "text": "It's not always the case But often if you've tried a bunch of times and every single time they didn't work The common denominator Yeah, yeah" }, { "start": 2343.96, "end": 2344.78, "text": "That's right." }, { "start": 2344.84, "end": 2346.34, "text": "and so asking the Lord lord." }, { "start": 2346.48, "end": 2348.6, "text": "Hey how what do I need to change in me?" }, { "start": 2348.76, "end": 2351.7, "text": "What am i-what am I avoiding like when this hard thing comes up." }, { "start": 2352.12, "end": 2353.82, "text": "Why am I running from it?" }, { "start": 2354.6, "end": 2363.54, "text": "you know instead of being in because that's a...I'm sure the ten years nine years that You were with your fellowship There were hard situations relationally they came up with these people." }, { "start": 2364.24, "end": 2364.64, "text": "That's why!" }, { "start": 2365.04, "end": 2366.1, "text": "That's real relationship." }, { "start": 2367.0, "end": 2370.4, "text": "you had to stick around that connection, the covenant relationship." }, { "start": 2370.92, "end": 2382.04, "text": "You're like oh I'm not here just because it's feeding me only or makes me happy all the time but i'm here because it makes me better and for being made better is painful." }, { "start": 2383.84, "end": 2387.14, "text": "so what are some of those strategies internally?" }, { "start": 2387.66, "end": 2391.66, "text": "How do we introspectively see an astrolord change?" }, { "start": 2392.28, "end": 2396.44, "text": "us are able to remain in community with people." }, { "start": 2397.5, "end": 2410.14, "text": "Yeah, you know I think first of all is really taking inventory and naming those obstacles or those barriers like naming them out loud until coming out of the space of denial or even projection and being able to own Like." }, { "start": 2410.24, "end": 2412.64, "text": "these are those things that i can call out right?" }, { "start": 2412.8, "end": 2416.96, "text": "And so I think once you're able To name things then You're able to work on them." }, { "start": 2417.18, "end": 2423.48, "text": "but if you're not willing to at least admit That These Things Are There and they're real Then it makes It hard to be Able to move forward." }, { "start": 2424.2, "end": 2431.42, "text": "So I think that is one of the things, really naming whatever attributes are or what it even with disconnection." }, { "start": 2431.84, "end": 2444.3, "text": "I don't know how many couples who feel it live it experience but never say to another i feel disconnected from you and so just naming it as powerful" }, { "start": 2447.12, "end": 2449.56, "text": "saying it out loud which is confession" }, { "start": 2450.26, "end": 2450.9, "text": "confession" }, { "start": 2451.2, "end": 2456.04, "text": "yeah like I feel this way." }, { "start": 2456.88, "end": 2460.22, "text": "Yes, that's really good." }, { "start": 2460.66, "end": 2462.58, "text": "and then once it said out loud" }, { "start": 2464.66, "end": 2465.38, "text": "It's a real thing." }, { "start": 2467.16, "end": 2472.54, "text": "now we can figure out And you know there is A lot of things That bring couples to This place Of loneliness or disconnection." }, { "start": 2472.72, "end": 2474.5, "text": "so You Know There Is The pace of life?" }, { "start": 2475.88, "end": 2482.46, "text": "Just We've Grown informed of things that are current and so we don't really know each other right now." }, { "start": 2482.94, "end": 2488.4, "text": "We could have old wounds, we can just be like needing some personal self-care." }, { "start": 2488.46, "end": 2490.8, "text": "there's a lot reasons to feed into those things." }, { "start": 2491.54, "end": 2495.08, "text": "but once you're able take inventory on what is getting in the way." }, { "start": 2495.42, "end": 2500.18, "text": "connection then create plan how it would more intentional connect" }, { "start": 2502.58, "end": 2510.62, "text": "also often think when I think about community And we think about connection and we think of fellowship." }, { "start": 2512.1, "end": 2516.96, "text": "I often, it's in a very selfish way What do i need?" }, { "start": 2518.2, "end": 2519.76, "text": "Oh they haven't reached out to us." }, { "start": 2519.92, "end": 2520.7, "text": "We were going through this thing." }, { "start": 2520.78, "end": 2521.8, "text": "no one called us." }, { "start": 2523.66, "end": 2527.28, "text": "Why isn't anyone sought after or invited us into the thing?" }, { "start": 2529.44, "end": 2533.06, "text": "I just think at golden rule treat others as you'd like to be treated." }, { "start": 2533.62, "end": 2541.16, "text": "And I think a good question for all of us, as couples ask is like how are we outward focused?" }, { "start": 2541.54, "end": 2545.34, "text": "Are we you know pursuing even if it's not exactly how he won?" }, { "start": 2545.44, "end": 2549.7, "text": "or the people that We Think Is The Most Like Us?" }, { "start": 2549.96, "end": 2551.98, "text": "You Know Yeah What Does Someone Need From Us." }, { "start": 2554.58, "end": 2558.44, "text": "How Can Couples Think That Way Of Having This an outward focus?" }, { "start": 2558.54, "end": 2561.14, "text": "together of like, is there someone we could be bringing a meal to?" }, { "start": 2561.78, "end": 2562.28, "text": "Loving on." }, { "start": 2562.38, "end": 2568.6, "text": "Someone that's in a lonely season that we can reach out and see if they just want company or need something..." }, { "start": 2571.16, "end": 2576.28, "text": "The other thing with that is too, one of the things and you were talking about emotions." }, { "start": 2576.34, "end": 2580.44, "text": "And sometimes as men it's harder to be able to identify those emotions." }, { "start": 2580.82, "end": 2593.88, "text": "The other I think our couple's fellowship in old Bible study we used have... ...the way my spouse was open up and feel comfortable.. ..and community." }, { "start": 2594.2, "end": 2614.74, "text": "he had a group or bible study Even if it wasn't necessarily always feeding me directly Because it was such a gift to him and because it was Such a poor for him that indirectly right fit right back into our marriage relationship." }, { "start": 2614.86, "end": 2630.32, "text": "And so sometimes, It's not just Health how you could serve in looking situations on the outside but even within your marriage or even make it about your spouse, even if it's not necessarily speaking to you because I think we all need different things at different seasons." }, { "start": 2630.8, "end": 2636.44, "text": "At different times as they're walking through life and so sometimes again is that always about use?" }, { "start": 2636.52, "end": 2641.06, "text": "Sometimes It's about how it may be feeding your spouse or fueling your spouse." }, { "start": 2641.12, "end": 2647.4, "text": "Yeah goes back to the idea of in order To Be Less Selfish We Gotta Think Of Ourselves Less" }, { "start": 2647.88, "end": 2649.42, "text": "Right." }, { "start": 2649.56, "end": 2652.5, "text": "Think about ourselves less, not that we have no interests." }, { "start": 2652.56, "end": 2653.96, "text": "and I mean... That's right!" }, { "start": 2654.98, "end": 2656.16, "text": "...have a self-care to our selves." }, { "start": 2656.22, "end": 2664.88, "text": "but God is very clear on how we are to keep our eyes open outside of ourselves And how good it is for us." }, { "start": 2664.92, "end": 2669.68, "text": "It better give than just having this part of giving to your spouse." }, { "start": 2669.76, "end": 2672.32, "text": "first The marriage." }, { "start": 2672.36, "end": 2673.7, "text": "after god ministry the point." }, { "start": 2674.84, "end": 2679.14, "text": "Your marriage is your very first ministry and all the ministries pour out of that." }, { "start": 2679.56, "end": 2682.22, "text": "Ministry to children's next, ministry to your church's." }, { "start": 2682.28, "end": 2683.46, "text": "next ministery to your neighbors." }, { "start": 2683.66, "end": 2684.02, "text": "after that." }, { "start": 2684.26, "end": 2688.0, "text": "I mean they could all happen simultaneously but essentially like you focused." }, { "start": 2688.52, "end": 2693.44, "text": "if it's married off You need take a break from other things." }, { "start": 2693.58, "end": 2694.0, "text": "That's right." }, { "start": 2695.32, "end": 2708.04, "text": "But having eyes God's eye discerning eyes Like God given to you To see where My unique gifts, talents resources time able to be a blessing." }, { "start": 2708.28, "end": 2725.32, "text": "To my spouse two of my children tonight to others like this Bible said I think that's really powerful way to have a transformed way of thinking about fellowship and often when i see people that struggle with finding true connection it's often none of its served them well." }, { "start": 2725.72, "end": 2727.34, "text": "None of us know what they're doing?" }, { "start": 2727.42, "end": 2734.54, "text": "Well maybe the season group isn't able to serve you Yeah, but maybe you can serve them." }, { "start": 2735.26, "end": 2735.58, "text": "Sure!" }, { "start": 2735.66, "end": 2742.98, "text": "I promise like You said...you're going to get something out of it because when you go and serve the Holy Spirit works in you And God changes us." }, { "start": 2743.48, "end": 2749.32, "text": "It's just so important that was really encouraging what You've shared." }, { "start": 2749.36, "end": 2750.08, "text": "Would You Like To Share?" }, { "start": 2750.92, "end": 2752.86, "text": "Because we kind of talked about some of the sticky." }, { "start": 2753.08, "end": 2756.46, "text": "We talked about negative things That were seeing In marriages right now." }, { "start": 2757.68, "end": 2759.72, "text": "But What's a You know, to end this out." }, { "start": 2759.76, "end": 2765.08, "text": "What's a really positive thing that you've been seeing within marriages in these current season we're living?" }, { "start": 2765.96, "end": 2772.26, "text": "Yeah Although people are marrying little bit later the statistics show but they stand." }, { "start": 2772.3, "end": 2773.16, "text": "Mary right." }, { "start": 2773.24, "end": 2778.1, "text": "so I think Boris and all of that is that number slowly But surely making its way down." }, { "start": 2778.98, "end": 2788.46, "text": "Um, I think the encouragement there is that um i think people are really understanding or starting to understand the importance of The connection." }, { "start": 2788.54, "end": 2790.98, "text": "The marital connection and working towards that." }, { "start": 2791.1, "end": 2800.66, "text": "And um Yeah, I see a lot of even on social media A lot of the marriage influencers in all the times been around it." }, { "start": 2801.12, "end": 2802.16, "text": "it's trending." }, { "start": 2802.74, "end": 2813.52, "text": "So that is also, you know... Now let me say sometimes I'm a little bit nervous because some of the things could be a little off kilter in terms of messaging right?" }, { "start": 2813.94, "end": 2822.32, "text": "But i am very encouraged at this topic and I think it causes hope for those who are married or want to marry." }, { "start": 2826.36, "end": 2838.72, "text": "so there a trending negative connotation for marriage, but then there's also a large trending positive outlook on marriage and view of it." }, { "start": 2839.26, "end": 2852.7, "text": "And even in the secular world with lots of positive marriage influence like hey... Like you said maybe its not lined up with what we believe biblically But they are believing the covenant They're believing that commitment to it." }, { "start": 2854.28, "end": 2857.92, "text": "That is an overall positive direction I'm seeing as well." }, { "start": 2859.14, "end": 2860.38, "text": "Praise God for that and we should pray." }, { "start": 2860.56, "end": 2861.98, "text": "Yeah," }, { "start": 2862.02, "end": 2862.4, "text": "absolutely" }, { "start": 2862.68, "end": 2866.74, "text": "more people to come to know Jesus And have marriages that are for jesus now just for themselves too." }, { "start": 2867.0, "end": 2867.36, "text": "That's" }, { "start": 2867.48, "end": 2867.8, "text": "right." }, { "start": 2868.46, "end": 2872.08, "text": "Hey uh it's Janae and I thank you so much." }, { "start": 2872.14, "end": 2873.64, "text": "Would you just share about?" }, { "start": 2874.04, "end": 2886.02, "text": "Just quick where people can find out about wind shape and how they can maybe get involved Get blessed by what when chip does because one shape does a ton of stuff For the family from marriages in firm all sorts of different aspects of believers lives." }, { "start": 2886.9, "end": 2888.12, "text": "Absolutely, absolutely." }, { "start": 2888.54, "end": 2900.36, "text": "So Windshade Foundation we are founded by the Truett and Jeanette Cathy is a same founders of Chick-fil-A And we have several different ministry arms." }, { "start": 2900.44, "end": 2910.24, "text": "So I'm a part of WinShape marriage, you've got WinShapes camps that host camps throughout the United States and they're even abroad for kids all summer long." }, { "start": 2910.32, "end": 2912.06, "text": "so currently were in our camp season." }, { "start": 2912.26, "end": 2913.2, "text": "it's fun time." }, { "start": 2913.7, "end": 2919.46, "text": "We've got college program that is really focused on student discipleship." }, { "start": 2920.2, "end": 2925.98, "text": "We've also got Wind Shape Leadership and then Wind Shape Homes, which has a foster care in group care component." }, { "start": 2926.58, "end": 2928.74, "text": "So we have lot of ministries going on." }, { "start": 2928.84, "end": 2942.84, "text": "I just encourage everyone especially our marriage friends out there if you check us out because there is a beautiful retreat location." }, { "start": 2942.92, "end": 2948.8, "text": "We're in North Georgia, there's twenty seven thousand yeah... twenty-seven thousand acres." }, { "start": 2948.84, "end": 2951.42, "text": "that's what we sit on and we are a beautiful Retreat Location!" }, { "start": 2951.48, "end": 2961.08, "text": "We have all inclusive retreats for couples any age and stage of marriage, so whether you are pre-marital or whether your newlywed." }, { "start": 2961.18, "end": 2965.12, "text": "Whether in the empty nest season... In a broad range of topics." }, { "start": 2965.34, "end": 2970.38, "text": "So check us out Check our retreats And we would love to serve You." }, { "start": 2971.98, "end": 2976.68, "text": "Yeah my wife & I aren't gonna be able To make this year's Retreat but were going to try & do next years." }, { "start": 2978.12, "end": 2980.44, "text": "Very good." }, { "start": 2981.5, "end": 2986.1, "text": "Well, Jenny thank you so much for your time and sharing your story And so personal and transparent." }, { "start": 2986.14, "end": 2991.84, "text": "I just pray that everyone listening to this conversation was really encouraged because i was Yeah." }, { "start": 2992.1, "end": 2993.3, "text": "Thank You So Much For Being On The Show." }, { "start": 2994.06, "end": 2994.78, "text": "Thank You Erin!" }, { "start": 2995.0, "end": 2999.6, "text": "I appreciate all That You All Are Doing In The World Of Marriage." } ]